how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
