She is in my trunk
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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