I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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