We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
