Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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