I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
