last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
