She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
