So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
