like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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