He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Randomize
