We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
