if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
