i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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