Soap is not a condiment
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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