I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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