i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So vagazzling was a success
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
