Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
