Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
