Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have fence marks all over my body
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
