I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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