I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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