oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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