if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
