420 ftw
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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