oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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