I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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