I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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