I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
