Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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