why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
