I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
