no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
