I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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