Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
