He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
