I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just want nice things and good sex
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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