So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
