Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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