Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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