you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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