cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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