I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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