Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
