i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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