just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
