then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
