grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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