I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
