His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
