But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
